


Walking the Road

by evil_giraffe



Series: The Long Road Home [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: 10x22, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Season/Series Finale, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23592808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evil_giraffe/pseuds/evil_giraffe
Summary: Sequel to Finding Peace. Steve's ongoing journey to find his way home.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: The Long Road Home [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698235
Comments: 75
Kudos: 193





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented / gave kudos on Finding Peace (which I definitely recommend reading first). I never intended to continue but you've really helped my confidence in my writing so I'm soldiering on.
> 
> My work is unbetaed so please feel free to point out any glaring errors.

The two weeks Steve spends with Catherine seem to pass very quickly but it’s exactly the break he needed. They spend the majority of the time hiking through national parks and enjoying the beauty of nature and each other’s company. As promised, they keep their conversations light.

During this time, Steve exchanges brief daily text messages with Danny just to reassure each other that they’re both still breathing, but that’s the extent of their communication. The rest of the team and extended ohana seem to realize that he needs his space for now and don’t get in touch at all, although Steve has no doubt that would change immediately if he ever failed to check in with his partner.

Saying goodbye to Catherine at LAX is somehow both easier and more difficult than Steve expected it to be. He holds her close for a long moment and whispers a heartfelt thank you.

Catherine pulls back from the hug and smiles brightly. “Any time,” she says, kissing Steve’s cheek before turning to give Mary and Joanie a quick wave as she heads off to catch her next flight.

Steve has already greeted his sister and his niece a few minutes ago but he certainly doesn’t object as Mary steps forward to hug him again. He knows she’s worried about him and she’s also been through a lot herself.

Joanie holds Steve’s hand as they head to the car and keeps up a constant stream of excited chattering all the way back to Mary’s house, which is a wonderful distraction but at the same time makes Steve miss Charlie and Grace more fiercely than ever.

Later in the day, after putting Joanie to bed, Mary returns to the living room and casually plops down onto the couch beside Steve but the look in her eyes makes him brace himself for an interrogation.

“Are you going to be difficult about going to therapy?” she asks brusquely.

“No,” he replies with all the sincerity he can muster.

Mary eyes him for a moment but seems to accept his answer. “Okay then, good talk,” she says while grabbing a book from the coffee table and settling in to read it.

She isn’t looking at Steve so he feels safe in allowing all the fondness he feels for his sister to show on his face. Mary is obviously as relieved as Steve himself to not have to get into a difficult discussion. She’s a McGarrett after all.

Clearly Mary has no intention of entertaining Steve for the rest of the evening so he excuses himself with the explanation that he has some phone calls to make. Mary simply grunts an acknowledgement and waves him away without looking up from her book.

Ten minutes later, Steve is sitting on the bed in Mary’s guest room, staring at his phone and getting increasingly annoyed with himself for his apparent inability to actually dial a number. He resorts to combat breathing and after a couple of minutes he finally manages to jab the call button.

“Hello?” Danny answers warily, as if he’s worried it might not actually be Steve on the line but just someone else who has his phone.

“Hi Danno,” he replies quickly, although he struggles to keep his voice level.

“Hey babe,” Danny says, clearly relieved. “It’s good to hear your voice. Are you all settled in at Mary’s?”

“Yeah. By the way, I didn’t want to get into this by text, but I know you orchestrated this whole thing.”

“Yeah, well,” Danny begins a little defensively, “sometimes you don’t know…”

“Danny,” Steve interrupts him. “I’m not mad. I, uh, actually wanted to thank you.”

“Oh.” Danny seems at a loss for words for a moment. “That’s… unexpected. But you’re welcome.”

“I miss you,” Steve finds himself saying, even though he definitely hadn’t intended to do so this early in the conversation.

“I miss you too,” Danny replies immediately. “I, uh, actually have a confession to make… I moved out of your place the day after you left. It was too weird being there without you. Also, it was easier not having to deal with stairs if I wanted to sleep in a comfortable bed.”

That makes sense, but a part of Steve is still deeply disappointed by this revelation. He also most definitely does not approve of Danny being on his own so soon after getting out of the hospital, and he’s not planning to keep that to himself, but Danny appears to have anticipated this and speaks again before Steve gets the chance.

“Don’t worry, Junior stayed here with me for the first week. Eddie too of course. Now it’s just me and Eddie but Junior is still on dog walking duty so he’s here twice a day.”

“That’s good. Do you have a date for returning to work yet?”

“Yeah, about that….” Danny sounds uncomfortable. “My recovery is going quite slowly this time. We’re getting old, man. I’ve actually had a long talk with the team and then with the governor, and we’ve agreed that even once I’m fit for work I’m going to be taking a step back from Five-0.”

Steve isn’t even sure he wants to return to Five-0 himself but this news still hits him hard.

“What exactly does that mean?” he asks.

“I’ll still technically be part of Five-0 but I’m not going to be there on a daily basis. It’s more like I’ll be on call and will only go in if the team is short handed. I’ll also always be available to consult by phone if they want my input. I might at some point also be teaching at the academy a couple of days a week. Basically it’s semi-retirement but I still have the option to go back if I feel up to it in the future.”

“I see.” Steve keeps his voice carefully neutral.

“This shouldn’t be a surprise to you Steven. I’m the one who was talking retirement years ago. But don’t worry, I’m not making any final decisions any time soon. I seem to recall someone was quite upset about me planning my future without him last time.”

Steve is immensely pleased about this but giving Danny a hard time is second nature so he makes the ridiculous claim, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, whatever, babe,” Danny says but it’s full of fondness.

They continue to talk for a while about how everyone in their ohana is doing and the places Steve and Catherine visited. Steve confirms that he has his first therapy appointment the following day but they don’t discuss that any further.

For once, Danny is the first to say I love you after they say good night, and Steve is all too happy to return the sentiment. However, he begins to realize that talking to Danny was a mixed blessing; he’s never happier than when he’s interacting with his partner but he now misses him so much that he wants to jump on the first flight back to Oahu.

But he doesn’t do that. Steve knows that if he wants to be the best friend (and with any luck someday so much more) that Danny deserves, he needs to stay right where he is for the time being.

Tomorrow the hard work begins.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so apparently being stuck in the house over a four day weekend is an excellent way to inspire me to get things done but even so I'm slightly shocked I'm posting this chapter so soon. I hope everyone is staying safe.

A month goes by. Steve attends therapy twice a week and dutifully completes his homework in between sessions even though the whole thing is the most challenging experience of his life. The first session was particularly harrowing as Steve worked with his therapist on a list of all the major losses and other traumatic events he has suffered since he was a teenager, the worst of which have definitely occurred over the past decade. This was ostensibly so the therapist could get a clear picture of what she was dealing with, but Steve himself was shocked when truly facing for the first time the sheer size of the mountain of crap he has been shoving aside and ignoring. It was always inevitable that it would all come crashing down around him eventually.

Steve’s progress is slow but there are some encouraging signs - he is starting to sleep better and when he does still have nightmares he has better coping strategies to deal with it. There’s a lot of work still to be done to deal with his guilt and pain in relation to the deaths of too many of the people closest to him, but it no longer feels like an insurmountable goal.

When he’s not busy picking apart his own psyche, Steve mainly occupies himself with running, swimming, playing with Joanie, and silently thanking Mary for her ongoing support by completing far more than his fair share of the household chores. Steve has always regretted not spending much time with his sister and adorable niece, so that in and of itself has been therapeutic.

He began getting back in touch with his friends a few days after arriving at Mary’s and although he is rarely the one to initiate conversations, he always responds to their messages. Danny, Grace and Charlie are the only ones he actually speaks with but they never video chat because Steve is worried that seeing any of them would seriously undermine his resolve to stay the course.

One thing that’s starting to bother Steve is that Mary has been treating him far more gently than normal. There is minimal teasing and she never pries into how his therapy is going or tries to make him talk to her about anything even vaguely stressful.

It appears his sister was lulling him into a false sense of security however because only a day or two after Steve has become disgruntled with her abnormal behavior, she sits down beside him after Joanie’s bedtime and asks without preamble, “Have you told your therapist about your feelings for Danny?”

“No,” he tells her, immediately feeling defensive about it, and a little perturbed that everyone seems to know about those feelings in the first place. “Why would I? There’s a vast amount of traumatic experiences to unpack. I hardly think my personal life is a priority.”

“ _Steve_ ,” Mary says sharply, “you really don’t see how a prime example of how you’ve been ruthlessly squashing your emotions for years might be relevant?”

Steve considers that and actually… “Fine, you’re right. I’ll bring it up in my next session.”

Mary stares at him for a long moment. “Wow. You really must have learned a few things already. That was a lot easier than I expected. And it’s fine if you’d rather save this discussion for the therapist, but I’ve always wondered why you and Danny never got together. It’s obvious you’re crazy about each other.”

Steve sighs. “I can’t speak for Danny, although it’s likely at least some of his reasons are similar. Danny has been my partner at work as well as my best friend, and I love his kids like they’re my own. If we started a romantic relationship and it didn’t work out, it had the potential to destroy my entire life and I didn’t think I’d survive that. Also, I’ve never actually been with a guy, never even told anyone I’m not 100% straight, although apparently a number of people seem to have figured that part out on their own.”

“Okay, firstly, just to be clear, you do know there’s nothing shameful about loving another man, right?”

“Yes Mare, of course I know that. But that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the fact that some of the guys I served with would never speak to me again if they found out.”

“Screw those assholes. Nobody who loves you will care. But if it makes you feel any better, I think anyone who didn’t _want_ to see it wouldn’t have figured out your secret. But more importantly, don’t think I didn’t notice that you used the past tense when explaining the reasons you’ve never made a move. Care to comment?”

Steve gives her a crooked smile. “Nice catch. I still have a lot of work to do before I’ll be any use to anyone, but once I’m ready to return to Hawaii I think I might also be ready to take a chance on love. Danny and I have been through our ups and downs but he’s always stuck with me so I’m hopeful that we can make it work. And there’s a strong possibility we won’t be working together so closely any more so that’s at least one obstacle down.”

Mary sniffles a little. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. No one deserves to be happy more than you Steve.”

“Thanks Mare,” he says, reaching out and gathering her into a hug. “Some day soon I might just be able to believe that.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't possibly explain how surreal it feels to have spent a lot of years as a lurker, convinced I would never post anything myself, only to find myself merrily typing away for three days in a row. I'm really enjoying myself and I'm immensely grateful to everyone who has joined me on this journey.

Another month passes. Steve is starting to feel more settled, more like himself. His therapist is pleased with his progress but has recommended that he stick with her for at least another month. Assuming he’s ready to go home after that, she has recommended a therapist in Honolulu who can provide ongoing support.

Mary has stopped tiptoeing around him which is gratifying. Although he’s not so sure about that when he arrives home one day and she informs him there’s a package for him in his room, her tone so sweetly innocent that he doesn’t buy it for one second. Steve’s instincts turn out to be correct when he opens the package to find a copy of ‘The Joy of Gay Sex’, which is completely mortifying and yet strangely thoughtful. He immediately shoves the book back into the packaging and stashes it on the shelf in his closet, well out of reach of small, inquisitive hands. He’s painfully aware of the irony of this particular book now being in the closet.

Steve still has no clue what he wants to do career-wise when he returns to Hawaii, but he has made one big decision. After waiting a couple of days to ensure he’s not going to change his mind, Steve settles down in his room to call Danny.

After the usual exchange of pleasantries he gets right to it. “I’ve decided to sell the house.”

Danny is silent for a moment. “Are you sure? That’s a big step.”

“Yes,” Steve replies with confidence. “I’ve talked it over with my therapist and when I come home I see it as starting a new chapter in my life. I need to do that in a place without any negative associations but also, more importantly, a place that’s _mine_.” 

_Ours_ he thinks but is not yet brave enough to say. Maybe he can drop some massive hints though… “I was thinking I could move in with you for a change and we could go house hunting together.”

“Okay,” Danny says, but there’s a lot of emotion packed into that single word. “I assume Mary’s on board with this?”

“Yeah. I believe her exact words were ‘home isn’t four walls, you doofus, it’s wherever the people you love are.’”

“Well she’s right.” Danny pauses, presumably for dramatic effect. “You _are_ a doofus.”

Steve chuckles. “Thanks buddy. I love you too.”

“Seriously though, your sister is right. Who knew she was so insightful?”

“Luckily for you I’m not going to tell her you said that. Anyway, I’ve already called a real estate agent. He’ll be contacting you for the keys. Obviously he hasn’t seen inside the property yet but just based on the location he thinks it will attract offers quickly. It’s possible it might even sell before I get back but I don’t want to make Junior homeless.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, he’s at Tani’s most of the time now anyway.”

“That’s a relief. Do you think you could enlist the team to pack up my stuff? I don’t have any particular attachment to any of the furniture, or the kitchenware, so it would just be the personal items. Anything that belonged to my parents can go. Except my dad’s car, obviously.”

There’s a long pause before Danny answers. “If you’re absolutely certain it’s what you want then yeah, of course we can do that. If there’s anything we’re not sure about we’ll check with you first. But, Steve, are you sure you don’t want to say goodbye to the place yourself?”

“I think maybe I already did.”

“Fair enough. I don’t know why I’m surprised that you’re sticking your friends with all the manual labor.”

“Hey, I resent that. I’ve helped with everyone else’s house moves.”

“Yeah,” Danny agrees, his voice softening. “I am also aware that you’re working hard over there too, just in an entirely different way.”

“I really am. I want to come back to you so badly, but I need to be in the right state of mind before that can happen.”

“I’ll be here waiting, babe. As long as it takes.”

And that right there is all the encouragement Steve needs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter everyone!

One month later, Steve has officially completed his course of intensive therapy. He feels better, freer than he has in years. It’s not that he doesn’t still have issues, but he is learning how to face his traumatic experiences head on and process his emotions. Hopefully if he continues the work he’s started he won’t ever get so completely overwhelmed again.

Saying goodbye to Mary and Joanie is going to be difficult after all this time, and Steve briefly tries to convince his sister to move back to Hawaii too, but she makes it clear that she’s happy where she is and as much as they’ve enjoyed spending time with Steve, Mary doesn’t want to uproot Joanie. Steve vows to call and visit more often.

Although he’s eager to get home, Steve has started to feel paranoid about confessing his true feelings to Danny. Now that he can be more honest with himself, Steve has suspected for a long time that Danny is in love with him too, and Mary and Catherine both seem to think so, but there’s still a small chance they’ve all been reading things wrong. Even if they’re not wrong, there’s no guarantee that Danny is also ready to let go of whatever has been holding him back all these years, although their recent conversations have given Steve hope.

It might be the slightly cowardly way out, but Steve decides it will be easier to say what he needs to say over the phone. That way if it all goes horribly wrong, instead of being trapped in an unbearably awkward situation, Steve can cancel his flight (which is tomorrow), and spend some more time in LA piecing his heart back together.

Danny picks up quickly, as he always does. “Hey babe, what’s up?” He seems a little surprised that Steve has called, given that they’re supposed to be seeing each other the next day.

“Danno,” Steve starts shakily, before being hit by a paralysing fear and having his words fail him.

“Steve? What’s wrong?” Danny’s tone is urgent and clearly worried, which gives Steve the strength he needs to continue.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay,” Danny responds warily.

“I’m in love with you.” Steve is extremely proud that he manages to say it clearly and without rushing through it.

“Oh,” is the somewhat anticlimactic response. Steve waits nervously for Danny to elaborate. “I was expecting something terrible after that build up. I’m in love with you too you giant goof. Although seriously, Steven, ten years and you decide to do this over the phone? What the hell?”

“Sorry,” Steve says with a laugh, surprised he can still talk at all during the incredible rush of euphoria he’s experiencing. “I suddenly got worried I was alone in this and thought it would be easier if I didn’t have to look you in the eyes.”

“Goof,” Danny repeats fondly. “I’ve missed you so much, but if this is the end result of what you’ve been doing I can’t complain. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. I’m thinking so much more clearly now. I’ve realized that when I told you I only stayed in Hawaii for my dad’s case that was nonsense. I was spiralling and grabbed on to any excuse to get away. It’s true that I initially stayed to solve the case, but I grew to love the job and I found a new family along the way.”

“Wow, that’s…” Danny breaks off, obviously struggling with his own emotions. “I need you home right now.”

“Soon,” Steve reminds him, glancing at his watch. He should probably be going to bed but forget that, he can sleep on the plane.

Meanwhile, he’s been convinced of the genius of having potentially difficult conversations by phone so he doesn’t have to make eye contact, so he says, “I have another confession to make.”

“Another one?” Danny sounds amused. “I don’t think you can top the last one.”

That particular horribly appropriate phrasing is doing nothing to calm Steve’s nerves as he informs Danny, “I’ve never been with a man before.”

“Yeah, I kinda thought so,” Danny responds, all traces of amusement gone as he shifts into taking this conversation completely seriously. “That’s a big part of the reason it was never going to be me making the first real move. I was just kind of hoping you’d catch on to my outrageous flirting a lot earlier.”

“Sorry, buddy.” It still feels natural to address Danny that way even now. “I’ve been seriously messed up for a long time. I couldn’t let myself acknowledge it. So, uh, what about you?”

Danny doesn’t pretend not to know what he means. “I’ve been with guys, but not since college, and my experience is not what you might call extensive.”

Steve finds this slightly worrying, because why would it have been so long unless… “Did you not enjoy it?”

“Hey, no, don’t freak out, I enjoyed it very much. But Seton Hall is Catholic and I knew a couple of guys who got kicked out. Given that and my chosen career, I decided to stick to the socially acceptable option. I also enjoy women very much and I wanted to have a family so it wasn’t exactly a hardship. Also, until you I never met any guy who would make the complications worth it. I mean, things have improved a lot over the past twenty years, and Hawaiians are generally more accepting than most, but that doesn’t mean we won’t encounter difficulties. Are you prepared for that?”

“Yes,” Steve replies without hesitation. Mary was right, screw anyone who tries to stop him now he finally gets a chance to be with the love of his life.

“Okay, that’s good. Listen, I know there’s a lot of other stuff we probably need to discuss, but don’t think I don’t know what time it is where you are. Also, it seems a little ridiculous to be doing this over the phone when we’re going to see each other tomorrow. Not that I’m not ecstatic that you called to profess your undying love for me but, yeah, I’m done. Good night Steve. I love you.”

“Night Danno. I love you too.”

Steve is so ready to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, quite literally, the end of the road. There will be a third part in this series at some point, covering the reunion, but at the moment I feel mentally exhausted and need a break.
> 
> Many thanks once again to everyone who has commented and/or given kudos.


End file.
